My son’s birthday is coming up soon and he’s hinted to me that he’s looking for a trampoline. Fair enough you might say, get him a trampoline. I had no problem with this suggestion until yesterday evening, when I saw him bouncing madly on our bed whilst listening to Queen’s Greatest Hits…  in the dark… with a disco ball throwing coloured dots all over the room. A thought occurred to me, why should I spend a fortune on a trampoline when jumping on the bed is obviously more fun?

So to help me make a decision, I came up with a list of reasons why a bed beats a trampoline:

No 1: The bed is (usually) situated inside the house, so straight away it has an advantage over the trampoline since it tends to piss rain here most of the year. I’ve seen so many sad, water logged and rusty trampolines sitting in back gardens all over the place its just mean.  While all the kids on the street are bouncing into wet puddles on their trampolines my kid will be nice and warm whilst bouncing, indoors.

No 2: I won’t feel guilty about not forking out for a net to stop him from falling off. A few pillows on the floor should do the trick, but if he does fall off and misses the pillows he won’t be falling very far so, hopefully, he’ll be fine.

No 3:  If the weather, for some freaky reason, happens to be good I always have the option of bringing the bed outside. Well, the mattress at least.

No 4: A disco ball doesn’t have quite the same effect outside.

Having our bed as a trampoline brings it’s own share of problems though. The neighbours have started giving us strange looks as our bed is creaking at all times of the day and night (wink wink),  one of the legs has gone a bit wonky and the springs are sticking into my arse.

So I’ve decided that the next time he asks for a trampoline, I’ll tell him, “No. I’m getting you a goldfish, you may keep bouncing on the bed”.

After all, if it wasn’t for bouncing on that bed, he wouldn’t even be here!

Well hello everyone! Though that might be a wee bit presumptuous of me considering if even one person reads this I’ll be surprised. But God I have to admit that I’m absolutely wrecked, I haven’t left the house in the last couple of weeks perfecting this blog, it’s taken a lot of effort on my behalf, NOT! It’s all thanks to the other half. There is an amusing, well not so amusing for me, story behind how I came to start this blog. If you have been reading the other half’s blog you will know that he wrote a soppy apology to me on Valentine’s day (because he was being an asshole) in which he referred to me as Mrs Shitetalker. It was a nice gesture from him, I suppose, in his own special way but the point is we’re not actually married. Shock, horror, living in sin!

So anyway later on that night after a nice romantic meal, we were sipping glasses of wine in front of the fire and he turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said, “How would you like to officially become Mrs Shitetalker?” I beamed and started to think venues, dresses, bridesmaids, oh I’d better ring my ma…

“I can set it up for you now, it can be linked to my own blog, blah, blah, blah…”, he says!

So I have accepted his proposal as I realise this is about as good as it gets. But honestly, what a prick!