I saw something today that really made my heart jump and then warm. I was driving, yet again on the motorway, when the cars in front of me began braking and swerving very quickly. Something was on the road ahead but I was surprised when I discovered what it was.

There in the middle of the motorway was a poor mother duck with five of her little babies trying to make it to the across. The poor little feckers! They must have already come from the other side so our side was the home stretch. I usually give out about the drivers on the motorway but today I was impressed, everyone slowed down or moved to miss the ducks. I do think I saw one or two ducklings squashed but considering the job that was undertaken I feel that they did great. We all drove slowly away, checking our rare view mirrors and breathing a sigh of relief when we saw that the journey was completed and most participants were alive and well. It amazed me to see that people actually cared about this little duck’s quest. And with all the speeding and anger on the motorway it was a breath of fresh air to see people realising, even if it was only for one minute, that we are not the only life on this planet.

I had to laugh today, I went to the playground with the kids and saw the typical Irish cross dressing going on. Now I don’t mean boys were dressing up as girls or anything like that. No, what I saw looked like all four seasons of the year had crossed each other right there in the playground. Not weather wise, but clothes wise.

There were kids dressed up for the beach with little shorts and t-shirts on, their flip flops off, building castles in the sand pit. Their parents lounging nearby sun bathing, a picnic spread out and drinks close to hand in case of any dehydration problems. Then there were kids with jumpers and tracksuits keeping the wind that was around today at bay. But the kids that  definitely took the biscuits were the poor little feckers with the hoodies and puffa-jackets on, wearing big thick socks and hiking boots on their feet. The mother, wearing her warm winter woolies too hoping to ward off any summer colds that might be doing the rounds. Fuck, I know today wasn’t as warm as other days but for God sake what was going on? The poor kids looked like they were cooking in their clothes. Maybe it was some sick kind of punishment, if you’re bold I’ll sew you into your coat until you boil.(Okay maybe not).

What were my kids wearing? They were the ones in their swimming shorts splashing in the water fountain, fuck it, make hay while the sun shines!

I had the pleasure of driving up to Dublin today. Lucky me!

Every dick-head, asshole and bitch in the country seemed to be out to annoy me today. O yes, it was one of those days.

The first asshole I came across was the stupid fucker who insisted on driving up my ass. Now I have to admit this is the one thing in the whole world that makes me want to beat the shit out of someone. I was driving along the motorway minding my own business, passing out a lorry, when all of a sudden I practically had a fucking trailer sitting on the end of my car. If these people are in such a hurry why not leave a little earlier? Sometimes I make myself feel a little better by imagining a scenario where I have to slam on the brakes and their nice new, shiny and expensive car gets all wrecked trying to avoid my piece of shit, dirty old car. Of course no one gets hurt in my fantasy, well not me anyway. My second scenario is only a dream and I know it it will never happen so please don’t laugh. I imagine that maybe, just maybe the guards will catch them speeding and I will drive past and give them a little wave (and the fingers) . Total fantasy, but a girl can dream.

The second brain dead drivers I came across today was the people who when driving on a three lane road still insist on passing you on the inside. Today I was driving in the middle lane of the motorway, and doing the speed limit when I was passed twice by cars in the inside lane. Why not just use the fast lane if they wanted to go so fast? Although, the person who passed me on the inside on the two lane stretch, just to pass out a lorry before me definitely has a death wish, fecking hell. Maybe these people have much more exciting and fast lives than me, that’s probably true, but still is it worth risking your life over? Apparently so.

And of course I must not forget the lovely lady (bitch) who I let into the line of traffic. I was sitting waiting for a little wave of gratitude, what did I get? A flick of her cigarette ash in my direction. Straight away I regretted letting her out because it dawned on me that she was the type of asshole that just expects us humble folks to allow her pass.

Today didn’t turn out all bad as I feel I have learned a very important lesson, that stupidity and ignorance have no sexual preference, it is the one area where men and woman can equally be assholes and shit heads.