Beds vs Trampolines
My son’s birthday is coming up soon and he’s hinted to me that he’s looking for a trampoline. Fair enough you might say, get him a trampoline. I had no problem with this suggestion until yesterday evening, when I saw him bouncing madly on our bed whilst listening to Queen’s Greatest Hits… in the dark… with a disco ball throwing coloured dots all over the room. A thought occurred to me, why should I spend a fortune on a trampoline when jumping on the bed is obviously more fun?
So to help me make a decision, I came up with a list of reasons why a bed beats a trampoline:
No 1: The bed is (usually) situated inside the house, so straight away it has an advantage over the trampoline since it tends to piss rain here most of the year. I’ve seen so many sad, water logged and rusty trampolines sitting in back gardens all over the place its just mean. While all the kids on the street are bouncing into wet puddles on their trampolines my kid will be nice and warm whilst bouncing, indoors.
No 2: I won’t feel guilty about not forking out for a net to stop him from falling off. A few pillows on the floor should do the trick, but if he does fall off and misses the pillows he won’t be falling very far so, hopefully, he’ll be fine.
No 3: If the weather, for some freaky reason, happens to be good I always have the option of bringing the bed outside. Well, the mattress at least.
No 4: A disco ball doesn’t have quite the same effect outside.
Having our bed as a trampoline brings it’s own share of problems though. The neighbours have started giving us strange looks as our bed is creaking at all times of the day and night (wink wink), one of the legs has gone a bit wonky and the springs are sticking into my arse.
So I’ve decided that the next time he asks for a trampoline, I’ll tell him, “No. I’m getting you a goldfish, you may keep bouncing on the bed”.
After all, if it wasn’t for bouncing on that bed, he wouldn’t even be here!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I wanted a trampoline for yeeeeeeeeeeeeears! Kept asking Santy for it. When I did get it, it was one of those fitness ones? The wee round jobbies!? Feck’s sake. Never got my pottery wheel either. Or ‘Scampi’ — remember Scampi? The stuffed dog on a lead?
All my sentences are questions… that’s strange, isn’t it?
February 21st, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Ah Jesus, I’d say your first thought when you saw that little teeny weeny trampoline was ‘Hey who shrank my present?’. Isn’t it strange though that you always remember the presents you didn’t get? I can remember I wanted this castle that was out of He-Man, it was actually his girlfriend’s castle (I think she was his girlfriend anyway!). I remember her name was Sheera (again I think that was her name!). After I’d written and sent my lovely letter to Santa my mother informed me that Santa had a shortage of Sheera Castles! I was told Santa would bring me something else instead, but I was still secretly smug that Santa would bring me the castle. Well, I was not a happy camper that Christmas morning when I got a shitty crayola set instead. But I have to say the best present I ever got was the Alacart kitchen, God I can still remember the ad on TV. But then again, I was a bit disappointed when I realised you couldn’t really cook your dinner on it!
February 22nd, 2008 at 12:21 am
I got the Barbie Camper Van one year and my da put pink carpet in it and everything. He also put the ’stove’ stickers on the cupboard and the shower sticker somewhere in the bedroom. Sheesh - men!
And JAYSUS! She-Ra! I loved She-Ra! My cousin got all the official merchandise of She-Ra and I got the knock-off crap - haha. My brother had Castle GreySkull (yes I remember the name goddamnit) and it is still in the attic in fact.
My Little Pony! D’ya remember them!?
February 22nd, 2008 at 1:58 pm
I got that Barbie Camper Van too! I’d loved it. My parents eventually banned it me from playing with it though, I suppose at 18 I was getting a wee bit old for Barbie! Seriously though it was great, it’s still in my parents attic and I often feel tempted to take it down! Maybe you never get too old for Barbie!
Ah her name was spelt She-Ra, well I couldn’t spell back then so that’s my excuse. Wow your cousin had the real stuff, I’d say you were sick!
My next door neighbour loved My Little Pony, she had their play school and also their hair salon! The weird stuff you could get back then! Although they’re still around aren’t they? I loved The Care Bears too, I think you can still get them as well. Do you remember the Sylvanian Families? They were deadly! I always wanted their cool house! It was another one of those presents that that my parents said Santa wouldn’t be able to bring. Boo-hoo what a deprived childhood!!
February 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Care Bears! Christ - I have a Care Bear on my shelf (at 25) and Sylvanians! My dog (now dead, and not for stated reason here >>) used to eat my Sylvanians. But she’d torture them first ya see. She’s eat their ears first, then their noses and then their little feet. Evil mongrel she was.
They made a comeback this year too I believe. My little niece was all into them this year. I was going to crack out all my od stuff and give them to her but thought that’d look REAL cheap and her mother’s family spoil them rotten so… had to go buy the new stuff instead. And the cool house you wanted? I had it - heh! Well, I had one of them. The country house - not the big mansion house. That was so cool.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
No way you had one of their houses, fuck you were lucky. I remember when we were kids if any of us wanted something expensive we were told that Santa wouldn’t be able to bring anything else. It worked every time cos no kid likes the idea of coming down Christmas morning to only one present. It was such an effective strategy I found myself using it this year on my own kid! God I’m such a bitch, but hey footballs are expensive these days!